K2N War Correspondent Gets the Gold... You Know Where

The first event was a high-speed motorcycle race around a cluster of warehouses. Of the eight racers, roughly half of them didn't even manage to complete the track that had been laid out for them. They either destroyed their bikes along the way or attempted to cheat by cutting a corner. A clever plan, but those soldiers neglected to consider the high-tech surveillance that had been set up to ensure fair play. In the end, two soldiers named Gamerjdawg and Shinryuu had beaten all comers and demonstrated their speed and skill with a motorcycle. Whoop-de-freaking-do.

The next event was another race, clearly a wise use of experienced, battle-hardened soldiers, except this time they rode in boats. The event was meant to be a peaceful one, with no combat allowed. Unfortunately, this proved to be a bit too demanding for the participants. They circled the track at tremendous speeds, colliding with each other in the heated contest. By the end of the race, Paragona Bay was strewn with the wreckage of burnt-out boats with Lavajuice managing to hold out for a close victory.

The third event was the Ultimate Fighting Championship, a fancy name for what basically amounted to a barroom brawl. It was a free-for-all competition where the participating soldiers could only punch each other; no weapons were allowed. To top it off, Hyperion, one of the top Derbaran commanders, participated in the event. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The event itself ended up, predictably, being a barbaric afternoon of bare-knuckled fisticuffs. Piles of those knocked unconscious covered the area. Many Derbaran troopers even seemed to take great joy in getting the chance to knock down Hyperion, their own commander, who ended the fight with more deaths than any other trooper. At the end of this shameful exercise, only one remained standing on each server, with a score significantly above his closest competitor.

Next came the narrow streets of Marien and a sniping challenge, The Gauntlet. The participants took turns showing off their sniping skills, trying to get as many kills as possible against a group of soldiers fleeing down the street toward a safe building. Finally, an event that demonstrated some sort of skill, even if the entire thing reeked of wasted talent and manpower. Ripaka won on the Germany server, showing great skill. On the East Server, the first round of sniping saw a tie between two soldiers, Sandstorm4 and Blablashmo, each with 4 confirmed kills from the panicked pack of runners. The commander of the event, Hyperion, deemed that the two would engage in a sniper duel for victory. The soldiers squared off, each seeking a good sniping position. They saw each other at the same time, and each scored a hit on the other. Another round was needed to determine the victor, and this time Blablashmo was slightly faster, hitting Sandstorm4. Unfortunately that hit knocked off Sandstorm4’s aim, causing his shot to go wide.

But he hit someone. Me! I had been angling for a viewpoint that would let me see both competitors, showing more courage than anyone, in my opinion. Then Sandstorm4’s shot caught me in the leg, and I went to the medics for immediate attention. Due to this wound, I was forced to miss the Exploding Fist and Colt .45 events. Not that I am sorry to have missed them. I wish I had missed them all.

Rocket Madness was the next event I was able to cover. Apparently, this was one of the events the soldiers were most excited about, as it would be a huge free-for-all with only rocket weaponry allowed. So much for civilization. The streets were soon alive with explosions, projectiles flying everywhere, and I scrambled for cover. Madness was indeed an appropriate term for this event, as it was impossible to tell who had the advantage in all of the confusion with explosions everywhere. In the end, Finren, Disfsk3, and Viesta took the day, thanks to being the maddest of rocket madness competitors on their respective servers.

The next event involved squad coordination to defend a commander, with the other faction trying to kill said commander. Finally, an event that at least involved some element of military skill. NIU Commander Nemico was the target, and the large event quickly degenerated into chaos as the two teams fought throughout Havana. I did notice one soldier who managed to keep his head throughout an entire event. Dilraj was never to be found except at Nemico's side, fighting to keep him alive and directing his commanding officer to safe locations. The NIU Commander was only brought down a handful of times over the course of the event. For his calm and collected defense of Nemico, Dilraj won the defense event on the Germany server. Several others won this event, and I have attached their names to my report above.

As the Olympics wound down, the 9th event was called nothing less than "Massacre the GMs." Just what such simpletons would love. Not surprisingly, this event seemed to generate a huge amount of excitement with the troops. There were several matches of this event fought, with various K2 HQ staff fighting against teams of grizzled veteran soldiers. The result each time was a slaughter, with the K2 HQ team losing each match. Don't bring a knife to a gunfight, and don't bring HQ staff to fight trained soldiers. As this event was in reality several matches, there were quite a few soldiers who were able to participate, and the full list of those who won prizes can be found in the complete winners list on the War Rock forums. The HQ staff even had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to participate on their team, as if I would lower myself to such nonsense.

The final event was titled "You Got Served!" and it was a dance-off. Yes, you read that correctly. In the middle of a civil war, these troopers had been taking the time to practice and participate in a dancing competition. Could they not think of anything more important to do with their time, like say, fight for independence? The clan Dutch Elite demonstrated impressive choreography that could only imply they had been shirking their other duties to prepare for the event. In the end, though, the impressive gyrations of Den48248 and Screamie proved too much for the other competitors, and they won the contest on their servers. Something to be proud of, surely.

Perhaps this final touch was sheer clumsiness or perhaps it was out of frustration, but either way I am outraged. Inbredness, a soldier competing in one of the events, dropped a live grenade as part of his routine. Panic ensued, people diving for cover left and right as the grenade went off. Many soldiers were injured. More importantly, yours truly suffered a terrible wound and I am filing my report while I recover from it. Yet, will I ever truly recuperate from covering this absurd event?